These are from Saturday. More father/son bonding.

And the obligatory big brother and sister shot.

And this one's from tonight. I don't think Quinn likes close-ups.

After 81 days, you'd think I would have seen it before, but oddly enough today was my first time. I noticed lots of people in scrubs with machinery streaming into one of the nurseries, which was then roped off. Later, when I came out again, there were about 10 people gathered around sobbing. A baby had died. As I said, I'm sure it's happened before now, but today was the first time I was there for it. The realities of life in intensive care. It made me even more grateful for the incredible progress Quinn has made.

And progress it is. I can't remember the exact weight, but it translates to 5 lbs 2 oz. He is still on the same respiratory settings, but he's doing well with them. I spoke with a nurse practitioner today who thought he could come out of the heated isolette within the next couple of days and into a crib. We're making steps. He's also taking more and more feeds by mouth, which is also a good sign. I was there for two feeds today. The first one he wasn't all that interested and after getting tired he got tube fed. But the second time he worked for about 15 minutes. And my milk supply is now back up to the point where it will sustain him. Whew. I was getting worried there for awhile.

Speaking of milk, I heard something interesting in the pump room tonight. There are three pumps with curtains dividing them. A mother at one of the other pumps was talking, or rather venting, to one of her friends about the lack of communication they have experienced among the NICU staff, that she feels like she need to check on everything because not everyone is on the same page and worries for her baby who has suffered from the variability. She feels like she has become a different, angrier person for the experience. When we were both done, I mentioned to her that I couldn't help but overhear her conversation, and that I felt the same way. Comrades in arms. We both agreed we feared for the babies whose parents weren't as vocal. But at least I know I'm not alone, nor am I necessarily the most feared mother there. And most importantly, I'm not nuts. There really is some lack of communication going on and some parents who feel totally helpless to fix the problem for their babies' well-being. Sad but true. Oh, I hope Quinn comes home soon. At this point, I'm not counting on a transfer. I am not all that excited about having him in a place that can't figure out that it's staffing changes will be a problem day to day, so maybe he's better off where he is. And the saga continues.

1. I'm grateful everyday brings us closer to being a whole family.
2. I'm grateful to have people take the pressure off with my older kids so I can spend time with Quinn.
3. I'm grateful for Quinn's continued improvement.
4. I'm grateful for finding friends and allies.
5. I'm grateful for all the encouragement we get.