I have allies. I'm not sure whether that's truly comforting or not. I went to see Quinn this evening and one of his primary nurses was there and told me she was angry for me that he didn't get transferred after everything was set for that to happen. We talked about how ridiculous it is that they knew beforehand that they were overwhelmed with the merger and shouldn't have said yes if that was a problem. I mentioned the doctor had told me he wouldn't normally have told parents the whole story, but knew that I needed to hear it, and that I wasn't sure it was a compliment or not. She said it depends on the parents. She always gives as much information as she has, at least until she knows the parents. She said there are some parents who get totally overwhelmed by the amount of stuff there is to know, and would rather most if not all decisions were totally handled by hospital staff. This is mind boggling to me, but evidently that's just my personality, and I need to make allowances for other ways of parenting. I'm not going to hold out hope that the transfer might still happen. At this point I'm wondering if I really want Quinn in a facility as poorly run at the other hospital seems to be. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Whatever the case, I'm starting a new regime tomorrow. I need to spend more time with Quinn. He is taking more and more of his feeds by mouth and I want to be involved in that. So I'll be spending all afternoon and most of the evening there, instead of the token visit I have been making. I feel like I've been choosing my older children over Quinn, and it's a heart-wrenching decision to make. All three of them need me, but I can't have them all in the same place all the time, at least not yet. We're getting there, but there are many more obstacles to negotiate.

Quinn is just over 5 lbs now. Hardly seems possible. I did take some pictures yesterday, but I'll have to defer uploading them until tomorrow. He's a lot more interactive now. I spent a lot of time talking to him today. It's fun to watch him respond now. He hasn't made any recent improvements on his oxygen needs, but he's still growing and getting better with feeds. I'll take what I can get.