I'm feeling slightly discouraged. I went in this evening for the 6 pm feed, so that I could feed Quinn. It looked like that would be a good time. When I got there, he was awake and alert, looking around and squirming. I took him out, and got him latched on, and, nothing. He was still alert, but made no effort to actually nurse.I tried both sides, different positions, and still he wouldn't do it. The nurse had a bottle ready, and he took about 10 ml from that before falling asleep, and got the rest in a tube. I know it's early yet, that he just started feeding by mouth, but I don't feel like we're off to a good start. And I'm rarely there when the lactation consultants are there. I'll try and be there during their working hours tomorrow. The other reason this is discouraging is that my milk supply hasn't responded well to my efforst at increasing it. I do like eating oatmeal, and thanks for the suggestion to try that, but haven't noticed a difference yet. I'm currently not producing enough to feed him as it is, and we're going through the stored milk in the freezer. And there is so much wastage between getting it from me into Quinn. They mix up his fortifier with his full day's worth of milk. After it's thawed, it's only good for 24 hours. So whatever they thaw that is more than he needs that day is wasted. Then there is always a little left in the syringe after tube feeding. There's no question getting it directly from me is the most efficient way to do it. I have a book about preemies that says basically "Don't feel bad. The vast majority of preemie moms quit breastfeeding." Not the pep talk I was hoping for. I've long thought I should look up the local La Leche League chapter, and now seems like a good time to do that.

Another sort of discouraging thing today is that Quinn hasn't made any improvement respiratory wise all week. He might have even regressed. For the last two days, he hasn't really been below 30% O2, and hasn't decreased flow rate at all. That could be because he is trying to figure out how to eat, but it's still not what I'd hoped. I don't know how many miracles I'm justified in asking for.

On the up side, Quinn is very nearly 2 kg, and will probably get there tomorrow. That's roughly 4 lbs 6 oz. He is growing. I'll take progress where I can get it. And I need to tape my camera to myself so that I finally remember to bring it. Quinn is changing as he grows, and I need to keep documenting that. Here's to a more hopeful tomorrow.

1. I'm grateful for whatever time I can spend with Quinn.
2. I'm grateful for the gorgeous day we had today.
3. I'm grateful I live in such a pretty place.
4. I'm grateful Kurt has the day off tomorrow.
5. I'm grateful for good friends.