So that cap of maximum intake for Quinn that was 17 ml every 3 hours? Apparently it doesn't apply anymore. A more recent number was 20. That doesn't apply anymore either. He's going up to 23 ml per feed tonight at 11pm. They are stuffing this kid. Eating is almost literally all he does. He gets fed every 3 hours, and they push through is feed tube over the course of one hour. So that's two hours between the end of one feed and the beginning of the next, and I'm sure most of what he's doing in that time is digesting. Now, he isn't my first kid, and I breastfed my other two as well. I do remember feeling like they were always attached to me in the beginning. But I never kept as careful track of when I fed them as the NICU does. It does seem strange to see it all laid out like that. And it's making a difference. He's up 50 g from yesterday, but still not quite at 3 pounds. It's like an insurmountable barrier. Maybe tomorrow. And maybe tomorrow I'll get an updated photo on here. Quinn is 5 weeks old today. Hardly seems possible.

And after 5 weeks, I am miraculously feeling like I might not be an invalid for the rest of my life. I went riding tonight. Okay, I confess. It's not the first time since Quinn was born that I've been on Teo. The other time was 2 weeks ago when I went to the barn and hopped on bareback and made a very slow circle around the barn. I had just been itching to ride again. It seems like forever since we did this...

or this...

or even this.

All of those are from last fall. I did ride a bit during this pregnancy, just as I had my others. With both my other kids, I rode until 7 months and then got back on when the babies were 6 days old. This time, the last time I rode was about a month before Quinn was born, and then 3 weeks after is when I got on for the first time. And no, I don't think my riding had anything to do with my bleeding. I don't think I'll ever fully know what initiated that. I'm just glad to be able to do things I used to again. Riding has been such an important part of my life. I got Teo when he was 4, and I was 14, just starting high school. He has been the constant in my life through high school, college, grad school, moving to 3 different states, different relationships, getting married, and having 3 kids. And yes, he moved with us each time we went somewhere else, even across the entire country. Four days after Quinn was born, Teo had his 17th birthday. We've been together for nearly 13 years. Kurt at first was a little hesitant that I declared I was a package deal, but he saw what being with Teo does for me. It's a way for me to get centered again and ready to face the world. Kurt has been known to push me out the door to the barn when I've had an especially hard day. And when I got home tonight, he took a big whiff of my hair and said "You smell horsy." It's a smell he associates with me, and he hadn't smelled it in a long time. That may sound strange to those who are offended by the smell of horses, but smells are powerful in evoking emotions and memories. When I was in the hospital and Kurt and the kids came to visit me, just their smell made me miss home so much more. I'm sure I'll forever associate the smell of hand sanitizer with our NICU experience. For better or worse, these things imprint on us.

1. I'm grateful for my continued recovery, and my health in general.
2. I'm grateful for the health of my family members. Health is so taken for granted.
3. I'm grateful for Teo and the relationship we've shared over the years.
4. I'm grateful for an understanding husband who wants his family to be happy.
5. I'm grateful for Quinn's continued improvement. We'll have him home yet.